i miss my boyfriend!!

yesterday i go back to my hometown ....and my friend drive my car ...(hmm so slow ) she still in process utk membiasakan diri drive keta...

but ada sedikit jeles cuz dia pandai bawa kereta manual ..my car is auto..but watever ...i drive for 1 year+ and she baru mau mula utk membiasakan diri drive keta( oredy got a lisence)..

but after this saya akan refresh balik utk drive keta manual....

yesterday hanging out with friend at town ..going lunch sekejap....niat hati mau jalan2 lagi kejap tapi rupanya saya period ...rasa x selesa cuz suar pun sdah kotor ...huhu...

then singgah kakak sy jap then balik......

at home .rehat2...pinggang pun dah sakit cuz period ...

be at home...so nice ...cuz i got my dad..my mum ...my lovely sista....my little brother... i luv them all so much.....really!!.....

pagi tadi pergi church sekejap then jam4 go back at here again ...my workplace....huhu...rasa mcm xmau balik...belum puas berehat d rumah....

ingat mu pergi shopping dressess at town kejap tapi x sempat....hem...d sini x dapat shopping ..(huh)***

and now...just at my room...so lonely..miss my family.... im alone at home.....

my boyfriend .....i miss him too....i need hm rite now......:-(..

but better dia balik kg to help his mum for a week ..tadi dia x mau balik ..tapi sy yg suruh dia balik...tapi skg mcm menyesal dan rindu dia pula......

but its better for us...lagipun sdah lama dia berehat d sini...nothing to do...better he help his mum at their farm..or do watever there.....

and i take this opputurnity to siapkan my assigment..i will start tonite....stay up tonite....

help.......!!!!

MY ASSIGNMENT NOT YET DONE.......!!!!

DATELINE: 19 FEBRUARY 2010

.

my beST Friend...(BFF..??)

I got one bestfriend here..in my workplace...and we come from same college but different course...so sy dan dia sudah berkawan selama lebih kurang setaun lebih...going work together..come back home together....many thing we do together...sharing our heart....

dan dari dia lah saya berkenalan dengan bf saya yg sekarang ...my friend got a bf..and 1 day semasa lunch my friend mengajak saya makan bersama  ..tapi dia berkata ..kawannya( time tu dia x mangaku tu bf dia) akan makan bersama.....sy ckp ok ...sebab saya pernah juga ikut dorg makan sama...

then rupanya bf dia time tu juga membawa seorng kawan ...mula2 x mau ikut makan sama tapi dorg panggil sekali lagi then dia pun ikut ...sangat lucu bila saya terkenang kembali...mcmana sy boleh terjatuh hati saya xtau lah ...masa tu saya masih dengan bf lama saya (so damn) ..

then lepas tu besok2 ...then biasalah ada kabar dia mau minta my fon number...(i oredy think bout that) 

then ada plan kuar p makan lagi ..then pas tu jalan2 jap...my friend and her bf tinggalkan kami berdua di belakang ....

masa tu saya x pernah terfikir utk mau menerima dia ...bila kami sudah berkawan dia menyatakan hasrat utk mau jadi bf saya ..saya hanya gelak and say..let be friend...HE GOT NO JOB...NO MONEY ..NO CAR...AND NO HIGH EDUCATION....no..i dont mean to merendah2kan dia..tapi that's the reality ...jika saya x cakap pun ...org lain tetap akan cakap....

but masa tu IM SO LONELY cuz my previous bf so damn far away ...and he start to ignore me (i know he got a new gf) 

...and so DAMN saya terjatuh hati with his SMILE ...

only SMILE?? i dun know but he got an aura...  and every single day i fall in luv with his personality ....

if only he got good job....what should i do...untill now....

i oredy got a plan to leave him dulu...but why untill now i still with him??

o so damn ...let forget bout dat...

then how bout my bestfriend?? then she oso still with his bf...her bf oso had no job..no money ...

is WE ARE STUPID OR WE ARE BEING STUPID...

DO PEOPLE CALL US STUPID....oh i just dont care (* do i hipokrit)

then i know maybe someday she will break up with his bf and she say she will not married a MUSLIM ..cuz we are CHRISTIAN ..thanx God my bf is christian (*my previous is muslim too)

bukan menghina a religion but mcmna utk berkahwin jika family x akan setuju ...

my bestfriend got a very bad life... (i see that) ..her bf is somtimes so damn jahat ...many thing he do with her...thanx God my bf is not like that....

she awez crying a lot ...they break but they will come back to each other...so many times....so i dun know wat the ending ....

o wat do i care with other people sedangkan my life oso so damn teruk ....if my dad know my life like this ...and know he will be angry ....

gave money to a guy ..lend my car to him ....oh wat apoint ..cuz i really love him ...he is my lifenow...

saya bukan mau memburuk2 kan dia d dalam blog ni ....bukan juga utk memburukkan siapa2 ....

cuz saya sangat sayang realtionship kami ....dulu my bestfriend+bf and me+bf selalu jalan and makan sama2....

do  stupid thing together... we are friend....

dulu when my bestfriend break (sebelum balik lagi) with her bf ...she said she are free now...

and saya sgt susah hati ...saya hilang tempat mengadu kalo terjadi apa2 dengan saya dgn bf saya ..sebab hanya dia yg tau everything....i pray they will berbaik kembali ....

saya sangat sedih bila mereka berpisah ..sy rindukan saat2 kami gembira bersama....

** adakah saya sgt selfish.... i dun know....

but sometimes ...saya rasa lain dengan my bestfriend itu...kdg2 saya rasa mcm ada penghalang/tembok antara kami ....kdg2 saya cemburu dgn dia ...i dun know...but if she break with her bf now...saya rasa jarak kami semakin jauh ....she will get a better future then ..and i?? still the same??.....

better saya x fikirkan lagi pasal hal ni ....

**ermm watever korg faham ka x faham apa yg sy taip ni ..sy xtau lah...

but i still keep thinking is she my BFF if our lifestyle is change??

what should is do with my EX BF??

WHERE'S THE FEELINGS GONE??

i oso dont know why i falling in luv with him be4 this...am i luv him?? I DONT KNOW ...maybe just a feeling 'suka' or bcuz i just wanna somebody care and luv me... or watever....

but now..hanya yg tinggal cuma perasaan meyampah cuz dia selalu mengganggu hidup saya..kenapa dia x belajar melupakan saya saja...diakan sudah ada gf ...kenapa still want to kacau me..and destroy my relationship with my  bf...dulu sy dah bagi amaran dont send me another msg......but why he didnt want to understand!!

DAMN!! I just want no more him in my life...*huhuhu*

and a day come again....

long time not write in this blog..maybe cuz didnt have a time....

and the day i going through still the same ..going to work...come back home...and being together with my hubby ..all the time....

kdg2 terasa juga sedikit terkongkong cuz i think i even dont have a time for myself... being together all the time...except when im going to office.. but sometimes i think its so nice...ermm watever...

so..

• im still belum buat apa2 on my asigment ...argg tension...
• still belum selesai kerja2 d office...

ermm malas lah mau menaip lagi ..malas mau melayan perasaan setakat ni ...k..gotta go..

im get mad..

and here i am again without my dear by my side....all alone in my rooming and online~~is only the thing i do selain makan,tidur... just to membuang kebosanan ...my friends invite to join a forum to  discuss about our assigment ..baut i cant join ..cuz i cant download YM toolbr..dun know wat the problem....

bilalah dpat buat assigment ni...i oso dun know dan dateline  semakin hampir itu 19 february depan.....

where is my dear ...napa belum sms/call sy lagi... he said he will sms me later after he come back home...ermm sangat lama dia pergi *hunting* d hutan bersama his friends..i hope he ddin cheat at me....

actualy saya masih marah lagi dengan dia....dan sekarang rasa marah masih ada....tapi dia buat mcm ni lgi.....

arhgg just biarkan dia..apa yg akan dia lakukan.... i dun really care ...cuz jika dia menipu sy lagi .kali ni saya xkan maafkan dia......let and see.

can money buy love?

12:23 pm 

so sleepy ....after my dear not by my side..sy banyak masa habiskan dengan online....*include FB and blogging...* 

i think i must siapkan my CME slide ..and find informtion bout dat on internet rather than playing internet game....

oso reading nd trying undersatnd for my assigment ....

ok i'll try ...after this..**

did i jeles? my friend got her dream car *vios* his boyfriend bought for her....

she got everthing from his future husband...her bf is engineer... 

 ia membuat saya tergugat sedikt ..*what my bf give to me?* ... i give him my everything...

dear! how come..... i know its my life...we are not yet married ...i still got  choice ...to choose the best of my life.....but ... how can i live without u??**

so i try hrd to take/find opportunity to change our life....

i try so hrd....cuz i really wnna be with u? r u bothered or not bohered?? what r u thnking dear? can u read my heart....... cuz i sanggup memilih cinta daripada kilauan harta....

what bout u dear??? 

today is friday

8: 53 am

today is friday...im so happy sebab jam 11.30 am sdah boleh rest balik rumah...dan besok cuti...2 minggu sudah x balik...
really miss my hometown ..oso my family specially my *little brother* and oso my sisters...
my little brother must be waiting for me...and i keep thinking wat should i bring back home so they will be happy.....

ermm today i got a news ..pengarah want to see me pasal sy ambil EL 2 days hari tu...adui..seem scary ..cuz he not yet sign my *borg cuti* but he give a note that he want to see me...
is he mad.. o what...adakah sebab im work alone no click ..i cannot apply /or hard to take a leave?..*sigh* watever la...

mad again...

..and i mad again to him...
sebab ..dia x pandai sambut fon ..mayB 20 or more ? sy try call dia tdi ...last2 di sambut then dia cakap dia tertidur?? *sigh* sangat menyakitkan hati....
kalo sy yg x t'sambut fon punyala dia marah...*sigh* mcm menipu ja .i think so...mayB decrease of rasa percaya ...cuz dia banyak kali tipu sy....*sangat menyakitkan hati*...apakah perasaan mu kalau di tipu dear.* sy belum habis marah pasal semalam ..ko sudah buat sy marah lagi....**

do you really love me.....* i ask you*.....please answer it....


~~CME dapat di tunda ..haha so happy .....but slide belum siap lagi ni...
~~assgment belum terusik lagi..** argghh tension nya*
~~so on9 ingat untuk study tapi....* susahnya kawal diri untuk on9 study ja..mesti termasuk FB ..men game & sebagainya....

so i guess better sleep now...2:43am.. *miss u my dear*

my story about him..

hari ni jam 1:27 am ..im still cannot sleep ..im all alone at this house .. wat to do...hari ni my dear balik kg cuz have a work to do... and we usually sleep together ...98% nite for all time since we being couple** and
sy actually baru balik dari rumah dia d kampung setelah bercuti 4 hari 4 malam d sana...wat a good day ....be with him all the day without thinking bout *kerjaa* sampaikan sy malas mau balik kerja ....

he got a nice mum ..yg sgt peramah dan baik ...i spend a lot time with his mum ... actually sy sudah beberapa kali balik & stay at his house... i dont know...i just ikut apa yg telah terjadi..memang x d rancang ..tapi inilah yg terjadi... i think if my family especially my *dad* know ..he must very mad at me.... we just like aready married...bebas tidur bersma and share everything we have... even in front of his family....and they know it.... i know people start talking bout us...but sy buat2 x tahu...his mum oso mad at him at first but now..she just accept it...cuz mayB she know ..anak nya tu *degil* sedikit... but sometimes i feel shame to them oso specially is *mum*..

OMG...wat happen to me...ini jadi perkara yg sangat biasa dalam hidup saya...no regret o rasa bersalah.... sometimes ...i keep thinking wat will happen to us until the end..it is good ending o bad ending ...i dun want to now.....i just keep walking and let God g menentukan semuannya....~~~ his stepfather come to me and said

• harap x jadi apa2 sama kamu brdua nanti...
• sy hanya mau kamu tau yg c *** tu x bagus..
• Dia sangat pemarah
• dia pernah mahu tumbuk mum dia just kerna dia kena suruh bangun..
• mungkin awal2 dia bgus sama ko ..tapi bila lama2.....
  
• org2 kampng berckap pasal dia..dorg cakap* kalo kami ada anak perempuan ,kami x mahu dia jadi menantu..*
• dia sangat pemalas...
• sebagai org kampung yg x tinggi sekolah patut dia x boleh buat mcm tu ..
• Dia bangun pukul 12 tengari selalu..
• saya sgt kesian sama kamu ..tapi kamu jgn bagitau dia pasal ni ..just simpan dalm hati..
• dia juga merokok dan ..minum..
  
• sy bgtau ni awal2 ..sebab sy sebagai org tua bertanggungjawab bagitau ...x bagus kalo x bagitau ..nanti takut terjadi apa2 nanti ....
• lain hal kalo dia hnya mau kawan sementara dengan kamu *sebab untuk minta belanja2* dengan kamu ....

OMG...apa ni .....sy mejawab ..*ya uncle..sy faham juga apa yg uncle cakap ..* untuk peringatan pada saya..... jiwa saya sangat kacau dan bercelaru memikirkan ini semua.... petang itu juga sy bertanya dengan his *mum* pasal perkara itu...

yes i know...my dear and his stepfather tidak serasi dan sering bergaduh ..dan sy tau ada sesetngah hal yg betul ..but i will NEVER said this to my Bf ...its so teruk ..i dun want him to hurt...and make him bertambah benci pada stepfahernya... his mum said..

• dorang memang x berngam ...*she berpendapat his husband memburuk2kan her son*
• sy x pernah dengar pula yg org kampung cakap mcm tu...
• tapi dia memang pemalas...mcm la ko x tau....itu yg sy suruh ko suruh dia p kerja d kedai dulu...sebab asyik lambat bangun...
• tapi dia bukan pemarah @ panas baran...dengan stepfather dia ja di cepat marah..

sy cakap ..ya * dorg tu 2x5 ja...* OMG...sy betul2 x senag hati mendengar tu semua...sy sgt sayangkan my hubby...dia lh hidup saya sekarang ....walaupun mcm2 keburukan yg sya degar tapi .... dan pulak semalam kami perang dingin ....bila marah sy datang ..sy pasti teringat perkara2 yg telah dia buat yg amat menyakitkan hati saya....

• dia banyak tipu saya...sy x mau sebut di sini ...segalanya cukup menyakitkan hati .....

tapi apa pun samapai skarang saya tetap sayangkan dia...walau apa pun yg terjdi ...apbila saja sy terpndng wajah dia ...senyuman dia ...sy akan terus jadi cair...sy x pernah cintakan seseorng begini .... sampaikan saya takut untuk menyayang lebih lagi..sy takut andainya kami jatuh..luka itu sukar untuk sembuh***

*i love you my dear..love you even more from each day!*

story for tonite...

...and im back for my blog...i lost my blog a years ago and i think im back mayB just for fun or mayB i got something in my head dat i want somebody know....

so this is me:

1. working as ********** at a small town ..(not my hometown really~~but i wonder if it will be later....)
2. in process futured my study... (in degree)~~ and here i am *tengah biul2 baca soalan assigment * baru yg pertama...huhu
3. my loving family ~~i love them so much! im sorry sebab sy belum dpat memberi yg terbaik ...tapi selalu menyusahkn especially for my dad..*im sorry dad :(
4. im not really pretty^^ cuz i know they awez think im *below age* cuz im skinny and my humps not really big and sexy :(
   
5. but im cute ...:) yes ..
6. i have a boyfren ..his name is ***... and i love him ** i love u dear!

so this is me....
and i will write more in this my blog ...later.... ok gudnite !